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老同学

这几天来自澳洲的老同学来访, 多年后的相聚, 再没有比这更令人开心的事了, 一杯茶, 一盘瓜子, 三天内想把三十年的峥嵘岁月聊个痛快, 我们谈话速度像机关枪, 思路跳跃轻盈, 人说三个女人一台戏, 我们俩个不惑之年的女人轻而易举地唱了一台半的戏, 阵阵的说笑声让旁听的小猫乐肥露出惊诧的表情, 它一定认为主人和客人都错乱了.

五年同窗, 同学间的认识是平视的效果, 几十年后的彼此的了解就是立体的了. 我们聊得最多的不是事业的成就也不是生活得失, 而是我们在多变的环境中如何调整心态的经验. 不论你是明星还是普通的家庭妇女, 中年女人的生活质量在很大程度上取决于她调整心态的功力.

遥想当年, 走出学校, 跨出国门, 青春的心追求发展的欲望像潮水一样挡都挡不住, 义无反顾地全力冲出了地理的限制, 几十年过去了, 他乡的山水草木, 世态炎凉把女孩变成女人, 成熟的女人, 不会徒劳过分地修饰外表了, 她比任何时候都更加懂得面对自己的内心.

岁月流逝方显女人本色, 在为老公生, 为儿子活了二十年后的今天, 是时候扪心自问下半生究竟要一个怎样的活法. 我们懂得, 一个人一天只吃三顿饭, 只睡一张床, 精神上的富足让我们潇洒地告别昨日的幼稚, 勇敢地承认既往的失误, 用坎坷磨练出的智慧和对生活热爱的激情去编织一个五彩缤纷的未来.

I am SOOO glad this day is finally over!!I didnt get home till almost 10pm and i've been awake since 430 this morning.But i dont have to wake up early tomorrow. WOO HOO...

my first case as Dr. Smoot went good. Two patients.. L cheek for one patient. undereys and perioral for the other patient. In and out done in an hour. I even got to leave the laser there- way easier for me!!

My case at sharp.. started late. i had issues with people i was asking to sterilize my laser fibers for a surgery that was is radiology and not in the main operating room. We had to wait for anethesia who was coming over from Childrens.

I got the best surprise!!! i was sitting in the middle room relaxing as the patient was being put to sleep and I saw steven's glasses thru the little window in the door. He came to see me!!!! He brought a diet pepsi and said that he wanted to say hi to Dr. Kaplan. LOL smoooooth operator. He was so cute. We were in the same room that we met in. So cute!!!

After my case... he met me at my laser truck. We sat inside the truck; he sat in the passenger and i sat on top of him. We kissed and kissed.. looked into eachother's eyes... talked. I was so happy to see him.. He took off his glasses and i was looking at him. The way the lights were coming into the truck, he was absolutely gorgeous. Just being there, in that momentmade me realize that i really do like him.

When i met him and the way he was acting in the case, i just knew that we would have good chemistry, reason why i even gave him my personal number in the first place. But getting to know him and spend time with him, we have crazy good chemistry. Maybe i'm looking too much into it... but i feel it..

so... I realized today that I like staying over his house because its like im on vacation... lets see.. i dont have to clean up... i dont have to really do much at all actually... i dont take out trash.. i dont wash dishes.. i dont clean bathrooms.. and even better.. since im between two households...

Well.. i dont do much of crap.. even then so.. i can imagine my caucasian slaves at home.. washing dishes.. doing laundry.. some of which may be mine.. and cleaning the house.

My room on the other hand stays neat and Maria only comes over every 6weeks as opposed to four weeks.. to clean my bathroom..
im not going out as much so.. i dont have so much laundry..

which overall means im doing my part to save the world....

and i might even conserve enough energy so that i may have at least one bottle of fiji water a month.. lmoa...

no.. strike that... fuck fiji.. ill stick to my glacier water!

voi jee. tänään sitten heräsin siinä ennen kahdeksaa, kun pakotettiin (kylkyl). tulin matin lähdettyä kouluun sen verran surulliseksi, että oli pakko toimia. niimpä olin yheksään mennessä tiskannu, imuroinu ja pyyhkiny pölyt (voitte kuvitella, että tuli tooooosi siistiä.) sitten kävin kaupungilla ja pakkasin. eli on ollu niin jännittävä päivä, ettei mitään rajaa. lopuksi kolmisen tuntia hiljaisessa autossa iskän kanssa. aah ja vanhempien riitelyn kuuntelemista loppu ilta. raha-asioista on aina niin kiva vääntää.

mä oon nyt kyllä tosi sekavissa tunnelmissa. toisaalta on kiva mennä göteborgiin ja nähdä paljon kaikkea uutta ja tutustua uusiin tyyppeihin muista maista. mutta toisaalta, lähteminen jkl:stä oli tosi paskaa. istuin varmaan vartin hämärässä ja hiljaisessa kämpässä ennenku isä tuli. mietin, että hitto, onpa inhottavaa lähteä paikasta, johon liittyy niin paljon kaikkea tunnepitoista. kotoa. tuntu hassulta, ettei nää moneen kuukauteen niitä tuttuja tavaroita ja taloja ja muuta mitä siellä on. ja ihmisiä tietty. luulen tosin, että suurentelen tän ajan pituutta päässäni hieman liikaa. todennäköisestihän olen tuossa noin 3kk kuluttua tulossa käymään ja sit meenkin takas enää muutamaks viikoks. lyhyt se aika oikeasti on!

väsyttää oikeastaan nyt ihan hirveesti. viime yö oli ihan kumma nukkumisen kannalta. vuorotellen kuuma ja kylmä ja sitten ihan levoton ja outo olo. mut nyt pitää oottaa että pyykkikone lopettaa. huoh. oikeastaanhan tämä päivä on ollut aika merkityksetön (no ei nyt aivan...), joten mitäpä tässä muuta.

sov gott!

So I should probably start from the beginning huh? I was born in a little hick town called Black River Falls, WI. My parents got married in November of 1987 (I was born in December) and thier divorce became final in March of 1988. Personally I find it pathetic that thier marriage didnt even last six months, but whatever, they got along for the most part while I was growing up. My mom met a guy, and started dating him and got pregnant with my sister. "The guy" then ran out on my mom and has never seen or spoken to Autumn. My mom then met my step father Phillip. They got married in 1994, but were together way before that. He was a great dad up until I turned 16 (which I will get into). With Phillip my mom had two boys, Jarrett, and Jeremy. I love em, they are wonderful. We grew up in Taylor (about 15 miles from Black River Falls) and for the most part we had a wonderful life.

When I was three, I was sexually abused by my grandfather, he went to prision for that. I dont really remember much about it, I supressed the memories, all I remember is telling my grandma what had happened. And I remember bits and pieces of therapy.

At the age of 16, I had to have a lump removed from my breast. The day I came home from the hospital, my stap dad started to sexually abuse me, it started out fondling and then turned into a daily rape session. Every morning that is how he would wake me. It was horrible, I told my mom, and she promised it would stop, but she didnt leave him. She stayed. It didnt stop, and I told her it was still happening, she PROMISED that it would stop. It didnt, in August of that year my grandmother died. I had gone to her house every weekend to escape what was going on, and then after she died I had no where I could go. I took her death pretty hard. We were close. On Christmas day of that year I was on the internet in a Yahoo chat room and I met the man of my dreams. Jeff. We hit it off right away and started dating...online...i called him every day on my way to and from work, i talked to him every night online. He was amazing. I told him my secret, and he set up for me to come to Denver and go to a shelter for Runaways, where no one could force me to go home until I was ready. I took a huge chance and went 1200 miles to meet a man that could have very well chopped me into bits.

A week later, I decided I was ready to come home and press charges on my step dad, Jeff came with me. My mom, at that point didnt want me because she planned on staying with him. Jeff and I moved in with my father. He bought me a car, and life was ok. I started seeing a counsler, and writing in an online diary. My dad read a poem I wrote and said I was suicidal, and him and the counsler started working to either admit me to a mental hospital or put me on meds. I freaked out and ran away again with Jeff, this time taking my car.

Since the car wasnt in my name my father reported it stolen. While living with Jeff I became pregnant and decided I needed to come back to Wisconsin to deal with everything before the baby came. When I came back, I was no longer allowed to see Jeff unless Human Services sceduled a visit. Which was never. I lived with my aunt for a while, who then decided a pregnant teen was too much to handle and she sent me to a foster home. While in the foster home, I graduated high school, and pled guilty to Misd. Theft, and got sentenced to 18 months probation.

In December of 2005 I graduated, turned 18, got discharged from foster care, moved in with Jeff, and had my daughter, Chloe. In May of 2006 we decided to move back in with my dad per his request and help him out with cleaning and what not in lou of rent. In August of 06 I found out I was pregnant again, much to my surprise because I was on birth control. In November of 2006 we had a falling out with my dad and became homeless. We lived in a shelter until the end of January, and then we moved into the Apartment in two rivers. On April 29th I had another beautiful baby girl, Nevaeh Sunshine. In June we moved to Denver Colorado.

There, if you made it this far, Good job!!

well...i recieved a good news today... well....he asked Vj if she could plan for his party, and well...of course vj said yes...and well....yea.....but still the bad news remains...his still ganna go.... and not only that but then i've found out that others don't want to be my friend anymore...What Is Wrong With Me? I mean im just being who I am!! Why is it that no one can understand me!? No one can like...not be annoyed of me...I just feel so torn apart by thinking that he/she has been my bestest friend but then all of a sudden he/she doesn't want to talk to you anymore....it just hurts but not that much.... This Time I Am For Real.....No MOre Talkative,,,,NO More Activities....NO more helping....No More close friends.....No MOre...no more...... IM being torchured here....mentally....its just so painful to hear or see that your all alone now....i guess i have to get used to it.....get used to having no one to trust.....no one to talk to....no one to be there..... i guess that you don't really need friends after all.....you just need you......to stand up by your own....to learn by yourself....no more helps....no more "teamwork"...most of all....no more friends.....No more little happy annoying girl.....just the silent, loner one.....the new me after today onwards.....i guess to think about it....i might just had puppy love for the past 4 years.....without realizing it......i guess im just saying goodbye to the old jeremy....i guess.....that feeling is my main problem......i feel too much....now i have to feel no more than a smile.....no more talking....no more sharing.....no more love....no more ...no more......

right now...i don;t know who i am ....im just searching for me

Later

Well with my taking this gig in SC, I won't be able to run the half marathon next month. That's very disappointing. But such is life. Hopefully nothing will conflict with the actual marathon date. Training is going well. Tuesday I had my easy run of 3miles. I ran outside as it was unseasonably warm. Nearly 70 degrees. Yesterday I worked out on the elliptical. I typically use that on my X training days. Today I have a 5 mile run. I'm trying to gauge the weather to decide if I'll run outside or at the gym.

79 days to go...